Living at home

At 16 you have the right to leave home. But many young people chose to stay in the family home.

In Oxfordshire, housing is expensive. It can be hard to find a nice and affordable place to live. Often people decide to stay at home until they have more money.

Staying put has lots of advantages:

• Don't have to worry about the stress of house-hunting, moving
• Free to concentrate on education, college, university
• Lets you save money for the future

Without the financial stress of living away from home, young people have more money to save, and spend on things like cars, holiday and leisure activities. But they may also have less freedom to do things at home. They may need to be home by a certain time, or obey certain rules.

Most people find staying at home is sometimes stressful. It is important to focus on common ground and try to see the other person's point of view.

Related topic: Families, Parents

Keeping the peace: helping out

Staying at home doesn't mean saying no to independence. Part of growing up involves taking more responsibility for yourself and your family. This is true whether you stay at home or move out. There are lots of ways young people can contribute to the household:

• Sharing in cooking and chores
• Contributing to bills and other household expenses
• Looking after family members
• (If you have a job) paying rent

If you're not sure how to help, ask. It's not just helping out; it's an opportunity to start practicing the life skills you’ll need to survive on your own.

It's normal to help out around the house. But if you are spending lots of your time and effort caring for another family member, or if you find that household duties are getting in the way of learning, working and getting on with your life, then you may need some support. Help is available from Young Carers.

Find out more: Young Carers

Keeping the peace: coping with arguments

As you grow up and become more independent, there are likely to be arguments. Learn to cope with arguments by negotiating. Negotiating helps you find a balance between your need for independence and your parent or carer's need to protect you and the rest of the family. Finding a compromise everyone is happy with is difficult, but rewarding. Don't let arguments ruin your relationships:

• Stay as calm as you can
• Try to be kind to the other person
• Try and see their point of view

Arguments within families are normal. People have different opinions, and it's OK to disagree. But, when arguments involve violence or threats, intimidation or always putting people down, then there may be an abusive situation in your home.

Find out more: Domestic Violence, Abuse, Running away

Experience: living at home

Every evening I have somebody to come home to. My mum makes me feel safe and loved. She helps me with anything she can. I only earn a small amount of money as I am working towards a modern apprenticeship so money’s tight. Mum don’t charge me too much to live at home so I help her by doing chores. It would be expensive to live alone in Oxford. – Chrystal, 16, Oxford

Links

These websites will help you find housing advice and services:

• Shelter
  Advice and information about housing from the national charity
• The Site
  Masses of advice and information from YouthNet UK, including a good section on housing
• Advice Guide
  Advice on housing issues is included in the Advice Guide website from the Citizens Advice Bureau

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