Bullying

This booklet (left) on bullying was developed by young people at Allandale Youth Centre. You can read it online.

What is bullying?

Bullying means constantly treating someone else badly. For young people, bullying usually happens at school or on the way to school. Bullying can involve: 

• Insults, name calling, threats, spreading rumours or making fun.
• Being deliberately ignored or left out.
• Physical violence such as hitting, kicking, pushing or being beaten up.
• Having your things or money stolen from you.
• Getting threatening or abusive phone calls, text messages, letters or emails.

How does bullying make you feel?

Bullying can make you feel unhappy, scared and alone. It can make you feel like there is something wrong with you, that you are not 'normal' or 'different' in some way. It can damage your confidence in yourself or affect your physical or mental health. It can make you afraid to go to school, or affect how well you do at school. So if you are being bullied it is important to get help.

Why do bullies do it?

Bullies are unhappy people. No happy person deliberately hurts someone else. Maybe they have their own problems and need someone to take it out on. Maybe they are being bullied themselves. Maybe they feel insecure and they pick on other people to make themselves feel big. 

How do you cope with bullying?

If you know someone who's being bullied you can help him or her by being a friend and encouraging them to talk to someone. Stay with them so that they aren't alone when the bully is around, but don't put yourself in the middle of a fight because you could get hurt yourself. In that situation you should get an adult to help. Set an example to others by refusing to bully that person or anyone else.

If you are the one doing the bullying, or if you're joining in with bullying because of peer pressure, stop and think about what you are doing and how you would feel if it were the other way around. Lots of people who bully don't understand how bad it makes the other person feel. They think that if they were in the same situation, it wouldn't bother them, and so it's fine to carry on. But people are all different, and what is fine for you may be unbearable for someone else. Look at their reaction, and try and understand how you're making them feel. If you're hurting someone, you need to stop. If you find it hard to stop (many bullies do) you need to talk to someone and get help with controlling your problem. 

If you are being bullied yourself remember that being bullied is not your fault and you don't have to put up with it. No one has the right to bully you for any reason. It doesn't matter what you look like, where you come from, what colour or religion you are, or how you choose to live your life. Though you may feel like you're being bullied because you're 'different', this probably isn't the real reason. More likely you're probably being bullied because you feel insecure or unhappy about yourself. Bullies usually pick on people they know they can hurt. Unfortunately this usually means that the most vulnerable people, and those least able to cope are those who are bullied. But, if you are bullied, you can fight back. Here's how:

• Believe in yourself. You're a good, worthwhile person who deserves to be treated as well as anyone else. It's the best defence against bullying. If a bully insults someone who doesn't care what they think, they've wasted their time. 
• Write down what happens to you or keep a diary. It can help to express your feelings by writing them down, and if things get too bad, showing someone the diary is a good way to make them understand what you are going through.
• Talk to someone. As well as asking for help, just sharing your feelings and knowing that you are not alone is very important. Ideally, this should be a trusted friend you feel comfortable with. If you don't have any friends you feel you can trust, go to an adult in a position of responsibility such as a parent, teacher or youth worker. If you feel there are no adults you can talk to, phone a helpline (there are some numbers at the bottom of the page). What's important is that you talk to somebody.
• Ask for help, and keeping asking until you get it. If you are being bullied at school, tell your teacher. You could also get your parents to write to them. Your teachers have a legal responsibility to look after you while you are at school, and all schools must have an anti-bullying policy. If you are being bullied in the workplace you need to tell your manager, or if your manager is the one doing the bullying, their manager. If you are being bullied at a club or centre, you need to tell the youth worker. This isn't just for your own sake. It's very rare that a bully only has one victim, and by demanding that the people in charge deal with the situation, you may be able to save others from going through what you've had to suffer.
• If all else fails, get out. If the school you're at can't stop you being bullied, ask about changing schools. If you're in a workplace where you are being bullied, explain to your employer that you are unable to carry on working for them under such conditions. It doesn't mean that the bullies have won. Getting away from them and from the organisations which tolerate their bad behaviour makes you the winner.

Bullies driving you to despair? No-one to talk to? Try one of these helplines:

• www.childline.org.uk
• www.kidscape.org.uk
• www.bullying.co.uk.

This page was written by a young person from Oxfordshire called Tamar Plumridge. If you're a young person and you'd like to be involved in writing content for spired.com, please get in touch.