When somebody dies

Grief is all those powerful and mixed up feelings you have when someone you care about dies. Everyone grieves differently and there is no timetable for how long your particular grief will last.

It's OK if you feel...

• Shaky • Sad • Different • Awkward • Helpless • Angry • Scared • Cold • Lonely • Tired • Guilty • Relieved • Numb • Anxious • Confused

... and it's OK if you don't.

You might . . .

• Cry a lot or not at all
• Want to go out to block out the pain
• Have angry outbursts
• Want to be on your own
• Be forgetful and disorganised
• Not be able to concentrate at school
• Have problems eating or sleeping
• Have friends who skirt around you

Feeling better may take longer than you think but you will gradually have more good days than bad. Grief will change you but it won’t destroy you. (from Getting through Grief, written by young people for SeeSaw)

Experience: Good Bye Daisy

The day my life started to go wrong was when my twin nieces were born, 3 months premature, none of us not knowing if they would survive. Suddenly we got a call to say Poppy, one of the twins, was critically ill. My mum and dad went to the hospital and I had to stay at home. Then I got a call to say she had passed away. From that day I thought my life had come to an end.

When I rang my friend Hannah she said “be strong”. So I had to put my feelings aside because we still had another little life to help.

It was a struggle at first. Seeing Daisy go through all that pain knowing I couldn’t help. All I could do was cuddle and console her while they took her blood for tests. I thought things couldn’t get any worse but then there was another bombshell. She had to have another operation. It was 50/50 whether she would survive.

The day of the operation came around. I can still remember the scared look on my sister’s face and all I could do to help was hold her. Then the nurses came down and took Daisy away. I remember kissing Daisy on the head as she went to sleep. Those 8 hours seemed like a whole life-time.

She came out and went to the SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit) in Oxford. Then she caught septicaemia. She then had to be taken to the intensive special care unit and needed to be put onto a life support machine. I remember sitting there praying and asking myself why it was her and not me? I remember going back and forwards to hospital not knowing what I would find.

Then we had another bombshell. The doctor’s said there was nothing more they could do for her. They phoned the vicar and he christened her. Then she seemed to pull through. Life was worth living again. As each day went by Daisy seemed to be getting better and better. The next thing we knew it was Christmas. What a relief we thought! We could look forward to taking her home. But no!

I walked into a room full of doctors and nurses. They were all talking about Daisy. There was nothing else they could do for her, they said. Daisy had only 2 weeks left to live, they said. She went to a lovely place called Helen House Hospice. At last we all could relax. 2 weeks later Daisy died peacefully in my sister’s arms. At least we knew that her body was at peace and that she wasn’t suffering anymore.

Before I knew it the day of the funeral had arrived. Then I knew that everything that had happened was for real. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church. We let go of 5 pink balloons. As they drifted up I thought to myself, Good bye Daisy! Since then each day has been getting a little easier to bear. © Victoria Gellatly 2008