Friends

We all need friends. They cheer us up. They’re fun to be with. If they’re good friends they tell us the truth when we’re doing well, and when we aren’t. Young people at Banbury School said what they wanted in a friend:

• Someone who treats me as an equal
• A person who doesn’t want all the attention
• Just clicking with everything, we can understand because we know each other
• A good listener who doesn’t mind giving up their time
• A shoulder to cry on, support in times of need
• Someone I can have a laugh with
• Someone who doesn’t talk down to me
• Whatever’s going on in your life you know they know about it

What do you want in a friend? You can make your own list. But if you treat your friends as you would wish to be treated, you can't go far wrong.

Resisting Peer Pressure

Most of the time, friends are good for us. They help us have a good time, give us advice, and cheer us up when we're feeling down. But sometimes friends can encourage us to do bad things. Things like:

• Bullying someone, or laughing at someone being bullied
• Not doing homework or skipping classes or courses
• Doing things which are risky or even criminal

Because they're our friends and we like them, it's easy to go along with what's being suggested. Sometimes, especially if a lot of people are joining in, it can be hard to resist. We call this "Peer Pressure" because it's pressure to do something from your peers (friends and people you know).

But before you get carried away and do something you shouldn't, stop and think:

• If it was someone else doing it, would you approve?
• Would you mind if your parents/Gran/all your friends could see you?
• Do you really want to do it? Does your friend?

If the answer is no, then say no. It's up to you whether you try and persuade your friend to be more sensible, but think about what you'd like a friend to do for you. If that person is really your friend they'll listen and respect your decision.

When things go wrong

It is normal for friends to argue sometimes, because almost everyone disagrees about something. But if you're finding that arguments with a friend are making you very unhappy, or if you find yourself frequently arguing or fighting, then something is going wrong. You need to ask some tough questions:

• Is this person really my friend?
• Is there another reason why we're arguing?
• Is it time to stop seeing them?

You might feel that you need to hold onto friends, even if they are making you unhappy, especially if you don't have many friends. But not everyone needs many friends, and nobody needs friends who are making them sad. Have the courage to say no to bad friendships. As you become a happier person, you will find it easier to make new good friends.

• Find out more: Bullying, Meeting People, Domestic Violence, Going out

Experience: I gave in to peer pressure

There is a girl in school no one likes. They’ll do anything to make her cry. One day we were at lunch and she spilled her drink. I made a loud comment about how she wet herself. Everyone laughed but when I saw the look on her face I felt really ashamed. I feel that I gave into peer pressure. - Anon