Who do you fancy?

What makes a boy or girl attractive? Young people from the African Caribbean Youth Project in Oxford and St Birinus School in Didcot told the Survival Guide that they want.

Someone who . . .

• Has class
• Treats me with respect
• Can be trusted
• Is fun to be with
• Is comfortable to be around
• Is original, doesn’t just follow the crowd
• Has good social skills
• Has a good sense of humour
• Makes me feel wanted
• Takes pride in himself/herself
• Is kind
• Gives me surprise gifts
• Showers me with love

What do you find attractive? Everyone has their own list. But there are things that everyone needs from a girlfriend or boyfriend, like respect, trust and love.

Crucial: Sometimes relationships go wrong and people get hurt. Do you think you're in an abusive relationship?

Going out

Finding someone you fancy can be exciting, but don't be surprised if there are complications. You may worry about getting rejected. Your friends may tease you. One of your friends may even want to go out with the same person! Don't let these things hold you back. Learning how to juggle friendships and relationships is part of growing up.

If going out turns into a relationship it can be rewarding. It's great to trust and feel safe with a person outside your family. There is lots to enjoy in doing things together and in becoming close.

Some people like to have lots of relationships. Some people prefer only to have a few, or even just one. Some people don't want a close relationship at certain times in their life.

Crucial: Someone you fancy doesn't fancy you back? Respect that decision and move on.

Fancying someone of the same sex

Heterosexuals love and are sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Gay men and lesbian women love and are attracted to people of the same sex. Bisexuals are attracted to people of either sex. They all go through the same ups and downs in their relationships. They all deserve acceptance and respect.

Finding you fancy someone of the same sex can be complicated. As well as the usual worries about being rejected or finding they prefer someone else, you may be worried about all sorts of other things:

• What this means for your future
• Whether you will lose friends or respect
• What your parents will think

The most important thing is not to panic. Lots of young people go through similar situations. You can find support groups, and other young people who understand what you're going through.

• Find out more: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans or not sure?

Ready to take it further?

Physical closeness is an important part of some young people's relationships. But just because you're going out it doesn't mean you have to have sex. If you do decide to have sex, make sure it's safer sex.

• Find out more: Sex

Experience

In my experience, whether you're gay, straight or bisexual the most important element in a relationship is trust. When you can trust your partner unconditionally you know you have found the perfect person for you. But that trust must be earned and built up over time, I've discovered. As a young, gay male i trusted my boyfriend unconditionally within a very short space of time. I ended up being very hurt and quite an emotional wreck, admittedly. I now have a completely new outlook on the dating and relationship scene. I'm very happy with a new partner who i'm slowly building back my confidence with. I've learned that the build-up of trust is just as important as trusting itself. Daniel, 17, Bicester