If a woman misses a period, she may be pregnant. A pregnancy test will tell you for sure. The sooner you find out the better. Free tests are available from a GP, family planning clinic, Bodyzone and some youth workers.
If the pregnancy is unwanted, you have some hard decisions to make. Should you have the baby, put it up for adoption or terminate the pregnancy? There is no easy option, and the longer you delay making a decision the more problematic it can be.
In the UK it is illegal to terminate a pregnancy after 24 weeks, so your decision has a deadline. While it's important not to rush into a decision, you also need to think quickly.
Although no one else can make the decision for you, it is important to get advice and support. It's also crucial to talk things over with anyone who is likely to be caring for you while you are pregnant or for your child. This can include your partner, parents, carers or other friends and relatives.
Your GP will talk things over with you or refer you to another health practitioner. They can arrange for you to see a counsellor if that would help.
Crucial: after giving birth or having an abortion you only need to have sex once and you might get pregnant again! If you aren't ready for another baby don't have sex without contraception.
It helps to talk things over with someone. If you're having problems talking to the people near you, you can call either of these helplines for confidential information about your choices.
When I first thought I was pregnant I did a shop pregnancy test. It was negative so I didn’t worry. I did another 4 tests over the next few weeks and they were all negative. Eventually I told my mum about my suspicions and she told me that some people don’t produce enough hormones in early pregnancy to test positive. She took me to the doctor’s for a test that came back positive. It was a shock. I felt terrible for waiting so long which was made worse when my doctor told me that I could have had complications as I was rhesus negative. – age 17
If you are married both partners must give consent for the baby to be adopted. If you are unmarried, the father can stop the adoption if he registers his child’s birth jointly with the mother. In this case he has the same rights as married fathers to have a say in his child's upbringing.
If you give your baby up for adoption you may feel bereaved. You may go through a period of having low self-esteem or feelings of guilt. It is tempting to keep these feelings secret but you need support from people who will listen. They can help you acknowledge the loss and grieve for your baby so that you can heal and move on. Advice and information about adoption is available from the JR Social Work Team and social and health care.
When I was 17 I met a boy a little older than me who used to come with me to babysit. I was going through this funny stage, do my parents love me, you know, those kinds of feelings, and this boy used to give me cuddles. I was so naive that I didn’t really know how to say no to him. I was 32 weeks pregnant before I knew it. I didn’t understand anything about sex. Adoption was a good option for me because it wasn’t a planned pregnancy.
All I wanted at the time was to speak to someone who had put a child up for adoption. A lot of people thought that what I was doing was wrong. It is hard enough to have a baby adopted without other people telling you that you are making the wrong decision. They thought I was being selfish, but I think it would have been more selfish to keep the baby. Hopefully, if she finds me some day, she will understand that I did what I felt was right for her. – Emma
Counsellors at the John Radcliffe Hospital
(JR), Alec Turnbull Clinic and other
organisations can help you determine if
an abortion is the best option for you.
By law you must see two doctors before
an abortion can be arranged. This is
usually a doctor at the JR and your GP or
family planning clinic doctor. If you are
under 16, your parent/carer must
consent unless two doctors deem you
mature enough to understand what your
decision really means. If your GP is
unsympathetic, you have the right to
consult another GP.
If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, you’ll be referred to the JR or Horton Hospital. If no beds are free, the NHS will pay for you to attend a private clinic such as Marie Stopes or British Pregnancy Advisory Service. You or your parents can also arrange to have the abortion done privately; you don't have to go through your GP.
Your first visit will be for assessment and include an internal exam. You may have a scan to determine when you became pregnant. A health professional will talk to you about different methods of termination. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about anything.
It’s okay to change your mind at any stage of the process. You can ask to talk to a counsellor at any time. The important thing is to feel that you’ve made the right decision and to minimise the risk of regret afterwards.
Crucial: Appointments for an abortion often take 2 or 3 weeks to arrange so it may be worth making one even if you decide to cancel it later.
If you decide to keep the baby, your hard work is just beginning. You need to get medical advice immediately, so your health and the health of your baby can be monitored. The younger you are, the greater the risk of complications for yourself and your baby. So don’t put off seeing your GP, go right away to get the best care.
You also need to let your family and the father of your baby know. If the father registers his child’s birth jointly with the mother, he has the same rights as married fathers to have a say in his child's upbringing. You will also need emotional support and someone who can help you plan for your future and the future of your child.
Crucial: Being pregnant qualifies you for a great deal of support and medical care (often called prenatal and postnatal care), all of which you will need. Your first step is to tell your GP. They will be able to get you into the system.
I had been going out with my boyfriend on and off for 7 years. At 18 and after all those years it seemed like the right time to have a baby. I came from a quite big family and i wanted to have my children young like my mum. Although i think i am a great mum, it does get lonely and isolating unless you make sure that you get out and about. I wish i had waited and got more qualifications and training first. – age 19
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