Imagine...

In order to provide the best support to young people, the Youth Support Services work to understand the experiences of young people who suffer bad problems in their lives, like bereavement, domestic violence and problems at home.

In these two poems, two young people set out their experiences and invite you to imagine what it might feel like:

Clicking on the pictures will open a PDF of the poem, the transcripts are below:

Imagine

IMAGINE feeling like you have no one apart from someone who hits you, cheats on you and makes you feel like you are nothing.
Someone who makes you wish that you don’t wake up in the morning.
Someone that you love, who one minute makes you feel like you are top of the world and makes you feel so happy then - the next minute makes you feel like you are nothing. Like you should have not been born, leaves you crying and pleading for
them to stop but they keep on telling you not to cry as you’re not a baby.
IMAGINE not wanting to say anything just in case you upset them
IMAGINE having to do everything you are told because if you don’t! You don’t know what will happen
IMAGINE feeling so scared as you don’t know if this time he hits you, if you are going to wake up after the blackouts
IMAGINE feeling that if you get something wrong or if you leave that your friends or family are going to get hurt
IMAGINE not feeling safe no matter where you are
IMAGINE feeling like you can’t do anything right and like everything and everyone is better than you, no matter what you do
IMAGINE feeling sick every time you wake up because you don’t know what is going to happen
IMAGINE having to lie to everyone, even having to lie to yourself
IMAGINE being so controlled they tell you what to eat, what to wear, what to think and what to say.
IMAGINE BEING IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
© Jenni Hamilton (aged 17)

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My Rollercoster Life

MY LIFE UP UNTIL I WAS 8 WAS JUST LOVELY,
full of happiness, full of joy.
just a normal life really
Then things went wrong.

Dad left.
I was on my own with Mum.
My life began as a rollercoaster
Mum got her addiction

Mum got her addiction
It got out of control
Mum left
Dad came back to look after me

This time aged 9
Mum went away.
I hoped she had gone to rehab but
she had gone to jail.

I realised something was different
with my family by going to my friends.
Most had 2 parents.
All had their Mum.
I felt I was missing something big
I never gave up hope
Then Mum came out
We all tried so hard to put the past
behind us and looked forward to the future
Then things started to go wrong.
Mum and her addiction.

This time aged 10 ½
Mum went away.
I hoped she had gone to rehab but
she had gone to jail
I hoped this time would be the last.
That she would realise how much I
loved and needed her

Then Mum came out
We all tried so hard to put the past
behind us and looked forward to the future
Then things started to go wrong
Mum and her addiction

Again she let me down
She even stole my television to feed
her addiction
The only big thing she ever bought me
But I forgive her!

This time aged 12
Mum went away
She had gone to jail but I wished she
had gone to rehab

I never realised how hard it was for my Dad
Trying so hard to be both parents to
a daughter growing up
I had attitude
I used bad language
I told him often I hated him but -
really I loved him so much!
I was confused
Things were tough
But my Dad was great!
I couldn’t have asked for a better Dad
He helped me write to Mum

He reminded me Mum loved me

He reminded me not to judge her for
taking the wrong road in life - as it
could happen to anyone!
So I blamed the addiction not my Mum

Then Mum came out
We all tried so hard to put the past behind us
Then things started to go wrong.
Mum and her addiction.

This time aged 15
Mum went away.
She had gone to jail but I wished she
had gone to rehab.

Being a teenager is hard
I really needed my Mum –
To talk to about the girly things
happening to me
I felt like part of me was missing that
I didn’t understand
I worried when mum was in jail
about how she was coping
When she was out
I worried about how long she could
stay out because of her addiction
I learnt how to just worry …………
I felt lost
Then I met a boy

I got loved up, was so happy!
I left home to be with him
I really hurt my Dad
But things felt good
Then my boyfriend messed up.

He went to jail.
But I stayed strong, stayed working,
stayed positive
Waiting for him to come out

Mum came out first
This time was different!
Dad was abroad
My man was in jail
Mum was there - it was fun for a while
Mum had money
We shopped and had fun
Now addiction with money.

Things went out of control
I tried drugs myself
At first it made things different
It felt really good
Then things were a pain.
Drugs were taking control
It had to stop!
It was really hard
But
I
Found
Strength
            to kick it.

Then things started to go wrong
Mum and her addiction.

This time aged 18
Mum went away.
She had gone to jail but I wished she
had gone to rehab.
Mum and her addiction.

My man came back
For a while things were good
I loved him so much.
I tried to support him in all that he did
Where he went I went
But life at the bottom is hard
My relationship was strained
I felt so unhappy but
I was sure no one else would want
me

My life was rock bottom
I was manic
I was depressed
NO where to live
NO where to go
I realised I had to change and
decided to get some support
I was referred to a special lady called
Jane who gave me support.

She helped me to talk
She helped me think
I got my life back on track ……….
I did some group work and got some AQA’s.
She helped me sort through my problems.
I started to feel good about myself
I took control of my life
I took control of my relationships
I found a place to live
I found a job
Independence at last!!!

Only thing still worrying me was my
Mum coming out.
Then Mum came out.

This time I think things are different.
This is the longest that I have known her stay positive
This is the longest that I have known her to stay clean
At last she is controlling the addiction
Not it controlling her.
I often ask myself, why now I am grown up?
Why not when I was younger and needed her more?
Oh! Well it is better late than never
At least she is still alive
I am still so proud of her for what she has done!

I no longer worry about her
For she has to look out for herself
I learnt that from my worker - that helped me a lot
So now I try harder to care about me!
I know deep inside that I will never go back
to being the person who met Jane
Even when things do go wrong

At least my rollercoaster life is over

FOR NOW!!
© Bella Worrall 2007

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